a humble princess, pursued by the King, in the greatest fairy tale ever written

Why I Don’t Date

on September 3, 2013

At 22 years old, in the last semester of my undergraduate college career, there seems to be a big push for me to be dating, or to have a boyfriend. There is some pressure from friends, although none from all of my close friends, for which I’m grateful (that’s why they’re my best friends). There’s definitely a push from society-that I should be dating around or at least casually sleeping and having sex with a bunch of people (that’s appalling but I’ll save this conversation for another blog-I promise).

But what frustrates me isn’t either of these pressures, but rather, the push from my family. My mom is pretty good about not saying a whole lot, although she does think that I should at least be interested in members of the opposite sex and she worries that I’ll end up alone someday.  My father makes comments on a regular basis about how “that’s why she can’t get a boyfriend” or “your mother and I are hoping you’ll get a boyfriend someday.” And then there’s one of my grandmothers, who seems sad that I don’t have a boyfriend every time she sees me. (A small selfish part of me wonders, “in what way does that affect her?”, but I’ll keep that voice down.)

At 22, I’ve been down that road, I dated a guy for years and we got engaged; then that didn’t work out (he wasn’t “the one” but he’s certainly my closest friend). Then I had a friends with benefits thing, which turned out to be (surprise!) damaging in a lot of ways and beneficial in…no way. And recently, as I’m sure some of you know, I fell head over heels for a guy, and we lived together-I thought we were serious (I would advise knowing someone more than 2 months before you move in together-and I say this from experience), and then he left me one day and I don’t know that I’ll ever get over it.

But that’s not why I’m not dating. It’s not because I’m “waiting around for him to come back.” And it’s not because “I can’t find anyone” (I actually had 3 different guys ask me out this past weekend…that’s half of the guys that have shown interest in the past 2 months).

Plain and simply put, I’m not dating because the right guy hasn’t come along yet. There’s nobody that I’m crazy about, nobody that  I get excited about seeing. I get excited every day about seeing my friends-if I were a dog, I’d be the kind that pees a little every time someone knocks on the door. That’s how I want to feel about someone if I’m going to date him. That’s only fair, right? So many people are in compromising relationships and I just want to scream at them sometimes. There are like 8 billion people on Earth-why are you wasting your time and someone else’s time if you’re not even excited about it? Why date if you’re only biding your time, waiting for something better to come along?

I’m 22 years old-that’s pretty young for my mom to be worried about me “ending up alone someday.” And honestly, a lot of people my age are getting married and eventually divorced, and they’re the ones ending up alone someday.

I’m not going to date just to date-I actively preach against that so that would make me a huge hypocrite. I’m not going to date any guy who looks my way-I have standards (that’s another blog on its way as well). I most certainly am not the kind of girl to go around “fooling around” with guys because I’m lonely and unsatisfied. Plus I’m striving for purity in every area of my life, so having any form of sexual relations/fondling/kissing is certainly out of the question before my wedding day.

At 22 years old, I’m in the prime of my life. I’ve learned some lessons and turned my life around and I am a whole person on my own. I actually literally don’t have time to date, there’s no room in my life for another relationship-I have family, pets, and many close friends to keep up with, I’m not in a position in my life to be thinking about anything but God and myself and where He needs me to be.


2 responses to “Why I Don’t Date

  1. Caitlin says:

    Great for you! I’m in the same boat, especially because there must be some sort of “woman shortage” up here in Montana. Everyone and their dog wants to set me up with their sons. Literally, here is the order of questions I am asked when I meet people:
    1. What’s your name?
    2. What do you do?
    3. Where are you from?
    4. Do you have a boyfriend?

    I’ve ended up telling a few people “perhaps” to answer #4 because I’m so tired of it. I’m sure they don’t mean anything really, but it can get pretty annoying. Their sons are nice, but not the “peeing on the floor” great you mentioned above. 😛
    For me, I don’t want to waste my time piddling around, dating some dude because I’m bored or just because I was set up with him by some mom/dad/friend/dog. Sure, you have to get to know people, but why do people jump to date right away instead of just being friends first?

    • I’ve been in a relationship where I was “peeing on the floor” excited 24/7, so it’s not appealing at all to settle for anything less than that. We’re young and independent, we’ll make it 🙂 That being said, if there’s a nice cowboy in Montana, you go ahead and let me know! 😉

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