a humble princess, pursued by the King, in the greatest fairy tale ever written

Unspeakable Joy

on October 19, 2013

I just can’t contain my joy right now and I have to tell the whole world. For those of you that know me or follow this blog regularly, you’ll know that I’m a new follower of Christ. Very new-I’ve been “all in” for about 4 months now. I can’t even describe in words how wonderful that change has been in my life (but I can try to show you by writing about what’s happened!)

But, it came after great pain. Before I get to the part about what happened tonight, this part of the story has to be re-told….. In the midst of great pain, and suffering, I turned to the only thing I knew could give me comfort-Jesus. I’m living, walking, talking proof that the best things that can happen to you in life are often disguised as the worst things that could ever happen. I was such a mess-so broken, so devastated when the man of my dreams suddenly ended things with me out of the blue one night with no explanation. Just 2 weeks before he had been talking about kids, and earlier that very week he was planning our vacation together this summer. We were living together and in what I considered to be a serious relationship that was obviously leading to spending the rest of our lives together. (I should probably add the part about how neither of us were Christians…)

I went through many of the motions of grieving-but you have to realize, my spiritual gift, it would appear, is that I know what unconditional love is. Of course I do-because I know Jesus. I’ve always known about Jesus, but I never made an effort to know Him in “person” until I had nowhere else to go. And since I can love easily, I can forgive easily (it appears that for me, at least, the 2 go hand-in-hand). I spent all summer getting to know Jesus-and it’s awesome. So while getting over what happened was very difficult for me, “getting over it” was not. Every day, first thing upon waking, I prayed for that man, that we could both forgive each other for what happened (to this day, I still have no idea what happened-why he broke up with me. However, I’ve seen God’s hand all over in my life since then, and I recognize that from a spiritual standpoint, this is the best thing that has EVER happened to me.)

Fast forward to today. I can’t lie about the slight spiritual dry spell I’ve been going through. A lot of it can be attributed to me being “busy with the things of the world.” School is in session, I’m working 2 jobs, trying to keep an active social life with the friends who helped bring me through this summer…. Though I haven’t been able to “feel God” the way that I could when I “needed Him,” I’ve been able to approach this as I have every relationship in my life-I keep pushing forward, together with Him. I keep praying, talking to Him, asking for guidance, thanking Him for EVERY SUNSET, EVERY DAY BECAUSE HOW BEAUTIFUL HAVE THEY BEEN LATELY?! (Seriously, sunsets are now one of my very favorite things in the world, and every day I feel as though God is painting beautiful pictures just for my sheer enjoyment.) It’s hard- sometimes it’s not fun; sometimes that’s because I approach it with the wrong attitude. But the point is, even though I haven’t been as close to Him as I should be, I haven’t given up, and of course neither has He.

Here’s the really cool part of the story. I’ve shared before how I have a bit of a hard time giving my testimony in person-I find it easier to write it out and share it with strangers online. But tonight, I got a wonderful, blessed opportunity to share my testimony in person, at a bar, with someone who doesn’t know me, but knows who I am (I’m rather infamous…probably because of the whole speaking my mind and following my heart no matter what the world thinks).

And it. was. AWESOME. In every sense of the word. I’m so glad I was able to tell this person what I’ve been through. I started at the beginning-the day I got blindsided and my world as I knew it ended. I told her how I came to know Jesus and now all I want to do is go to school and study theology and ministry to prepare me for the only “career” I see myself in (besides how hopeful I am to find a husband who loves Jesus too, and raise a bunch of kids who love Jesus). I showed her my new tattoo, and explained that I have come to find my hope, peace, and love “in Christ alone.” I told her I was sorry she heard lies this summer but I was so glad that I got to tell her the truth. But most of all, I was able to smile and laugh and to be completely honest about the pain I still feel about the situation-but how far I have come. Because the joy of knowing Jesus so greatly surpasses any pain that I will ever experience in life. And this was the first time I got to really rehash the experience and talk about everything that happened with someone who doesn’t know me- I was able to say, point blank, “That was the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.”

After sharing my testimony, I was so overjoyed to the point that I just fell on my floor and wept as soon as I got home. I’m so filled with the Spirit right now, I just don’t even know where to go or what to do. I left the bar tonight in such a state-I’ve never felt anything like it. Makes me want to share my testimony 10 times a day just so I can experience this spiritual high more often.

This opportunity to share my testimony came in the midst of my “spiritual dry spell.” I’m so glad I grabbed ahold of it, and I can’t wait to share again! I’m so glad that even though at times, I don’t necessarily “feel like” working at my end of this relationship with Jesus-that I have made the choice to stick with Him-no matter what the situation.

I cannot stress this enough right now-if you have a testimony, don’t be shy. Share it when the opportunity comes-just let the words flow out of your mouth; you’ll know what to say when the time comes. And when you experience this overwhelming joy-you’ll know what I mean when I say I can’t wait to get on my knees and just worship Jesus. I might not even go to bed tonight-right now I just want to play some Hillsong United songs and just worship.


One response to “Unspeakable Joy

  1. I found your blog as I just made a post entitled “Are you a Pioneer?” and your Pioneer post was suggested to link…so I did. I wanted to encourage you that you have way more figured out than you may realize. I can’t wait to hear what you decide to do after graduation. DREAM BIG. God’s plan for your life is BIG, don’t short-change Him. “Be careful of the careful souls who doubt you along the way”

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